Crossed The Tiber

An Evangelical Converts to Catholicism

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Location: Pennsylvania, United States

I was born into the Catholic faith. At 14, I was "born again" and found Jesus personally but lost His Church. After thirty years as an evangelical protestant, I have come full circle to find that He has been there all the time, in the One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church. I wish others to find the beauty and truth of the Catholic faith as I have found.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Won't Get Fooled Again

Are you tired of hiring Protestant university faculty that later “Poped-Out” on you? Do you live in dread fear that the brilliant young mind you just gave tenure for your Medieval Studies Program is a "latent Papist?" Do the recent “high profile” defections from academic evangelicalism to Catholicism keep you up all night as you mentally review all of your recent faculty hirings? Are you starting to spend your free time in the HR department going over the files of those recent faculty hires trained at Catholic universities and high schools? Are you beginning to wonder if the initials Ph.D really mean Papist Homing Device?

Don’t be the next college president left in ashes as one of his "golden boys" Crosses the Tiber.

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By entering the data from the defections over the past 200 years including those of Louis Bouyer, Ronald Knox, G.K. Chesterton, John Henry Newman, J. Budziszewski, Malcolm Muggeridge, Walker Percy, Thomas Howard, Sheldon Vanauken, Richard John Neuhaus, William R. Farmer, William Oddie, Scott Hahn, Reinhard Hütter, Bruce Marshall, Mickey Mattox, Rusty Reno, Douglas Farrow, Gerald Schlabach, Joshua Hochschild and most recently Francis Beckwith we identified cardinal characteristics of this troubling tendency to "pope." Using our proprietary software, the personality traits, moral values, IQ scores and reading habits of each of these converts has been carefully studied and we have developed an algorithm that can assist you in screening even the most solidly-appearing Protestant candidates.

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By early detection , an intervention or church discipline could be put in place to perhaps prevent another potentially embarrassing “Crossing Over." Don't Get Fooled Again!

Unfortunately, there are no money back guarantees with the Romco Tiber Jumping Early Detection System. The Spirit blows where it will…..

21 Comments:

Blogger Pilgrimsarbour said...

Good job on this one, I have to admit! Who said Catholics don't have a sense of humour? Too funny.

May 18, 2007 11:59 PM  
Blogger Tiber Jumper said...

Thanks Pilgrim, I have to work real hard at it! :)

Stephen Colbert, now that's a Catholic with a sense of humor!

May 19, 2007 12:08 AM  
Blogger St. Jimbob of the Apokalypse said...

TJ, you commented on my last blog entry moments after I first posted it. You stalking me, or something? ;-)

This venturing into comedy is going to become a habit. Glad you're on our side of the Tiber.

May 19, 2007 12:24 AM  
Anonymous Runningmom said...

How DO you think of these things?! Great post! I can think of a few Anglican priests who are wishing they could install this software to protect their diminishing congregations! ;)

May 19, 2007 9:30 AM  
Anonymous Nancy said...

LOL! TJ, you made my day. :)

I wonder if some college presidents really would be thinking this way.

May 19, 2007 10:07 AM  
Blogger Tiber Jumper said...

"How DO you think of these things?!"
Well Runnin Mom, Just a little too much coffee and too much time on my hands.

May 19, 2007 10:18 AM  
Blogger Edmund C. said...

Brilliant! May I offer an acronym for your AOMINORG software program?

Academics
Or
Ministers
IN
Overtly
Roman
Garb

May 19, 2007 10:48 AM  
Blogger onionboy said...

You are a funny man, my friend. It could be, that as this keeps up, you'll be giving the Curt Jester a run for his tasteless flat wheat-cake.

May 19, 2007 11:04 AM  
Blogger Tiber Jumper said...

For a limited time only, if you order now, we will send a free DVD on how to train your guard dogs to sniff-out incense. These incense detecting techniques were developed in Eastern Rite Catholic Churches and are guaranteed to sniff out a worshiper even days after he or she attended Mass!

May 19, 2007 1:03 PM  
Blogger MMajor Fan said...

Tiber, when I saw this last night I laughed so hard, it was just delightful. I used to have really nutty friends who came up with hilarious things like this (I miss them), which would give me the giggle fits, and you made this one a 10! Totally brilliant!!

May 19, 2007 10:36 PM  
Blogger Tiber Jumper said...

So thankful I could stimulate some endorphins! God bless

May 19, 2007 10:51 PM  
Blogger James Swan said...

Well, the picture you used says a lot. A picture of men urinating on a wall ... hmm... Should I be offended? I think it crossed the line.

As much as I think the arguments of the current batch of Catholic apologists are sophistry, and as much as I realize polemic is a vehicle employed by all, I think this picture crossed the line, and i would never use such a vulgar image in dialog, or to mock the Catholic position.

I do happen to own this album, along with many of the other Who albums, but I've always found this picture offensive.

May 26, 2007 9:26 PM  
Blogger Tiber Jumper said...

James:
When I became an evangelical at 14 years old we had an "old life party"
and everyone brought stuff from their old life to throw in a big pile and get rid of. I remember throwing away some pretty great albums which now in retrospect wish I hadn't. Didn't have any Who, but had Jethro Tull, the words of which were pretty offensive. I loved the song "Don't get fooled again" which I actually learned the synthesizer part on my hammer dulcimer and do an acoustic version of it with a band.
Needless to say James, I don't think anyone realized until you pointed it out that the album cover was what you described, but thanks for pointing that out. I will delete the offensive picture and replace it with something much less offensive,since I wouldn't want it to be an occasion of sin for anyone. God bless your weekend.

Now, C'mon James, let's have some fun with this stuff! God is good!

May 27, 2007 12:12 AM  
Blogger James Swan said...

I never got rid of my albums, even though the church I grew up in took a strong stance against rock music. I must have about a thousand albums. My turntable is hooked up to my computer, and I burn them to CD when I think of a song I haven't heard in a while.

I've always considered Pete Townshend a brilliant song writer, though he can be crude at times. I probably had Who's Next for a few years even before i realized the cover. Somewhere in the booklet to The Kids Are Alright, an alternate shot from the same session appears, more graphic, if I recall.

Being Reformed, I realize that whatever talent non-Christians have is a gift from God. In other words, even though they may put out vulgarity at times, I can still recognize the abilities God has given them.

May 27, 2007 12:49 AM  
Blogger Pilgrimsarbour said...

TJ,

James makes an interesting observation here. I never knew that about the album cover, but I have never owned any Who albums. I would not have seen that on your blog, either, because the picture is probably too small and dark. However, the idea that you would deliberately put up a picture like that knowing what was on it is laughable to me and to all who know you and read your blog. The accusations by James of deliberate obscenity on your part is unwarranted, judgemental and provocative. And to what possible end? The right approach, in my view, is to ask, "Did you realise that the picture depicts such and such?" I think you handled it well.

Bridges,

Pilgrimsarbour

May 28, 2007 11:32 PM  
Blogger Tiber Jumper said...

Thanks PA

May 29, 2007 12:24 AM  
Anonymous Theo said...

Pilgrim wrote in part...
"the idea that you would deliberately put up a picture like that knowing what was on it is laughable to me and to all who know you and read your blog. The accusations by James of deliberate obscenity on your part is unwarranted, judgemental and provocative..."

In all fairness to James, he is not likely one who knows Tiber, even if a regular reader of his blog. You have the advantage of knowing him personally, and of course know he would not have knowingly published something so offensive.

James can be well and understandably forgiven for stating his judgement and objection... and indeed, if anyone needs to account for himself, it is I. *I* saw the photo the day it was published. *I* was aware of the picture's nature. *I* realized Russ had likely not realized its offensive nature, Yet *I* failed to act accordingly. I simply "let it go" without comment. I ought to have emailed or called Russ right away and asked him about it, or at least posted a comment.

This failure is nothing short of sin on my part; so, though Russ did not sin against his brothers, *I did*. I am very sorry.

I humbly ask Pilgrim, James, Russ, all readers, and our merciful Lord for forgiveness.

Humbled yet again, I remain your brother in Christ,
--Theo

May 30, 2007 4:03 PM  
Blogger Tiber Jumper said...

Thanks Theo for the apology, but I am still not sure what message the photo really was trying to imply regarding non-Catholics that James picked up on? It really escapes me but since it offended him , I changed the pic.

Using the the album cover "Who's Next" was my way of saying, whose the next to Cross the Tiber? and it included the song, " Won't get fooled again" which was integral to the post.
I thought the whole thing was clever but the next time I post an offensive pic, you better let me know if I'm too stupid to know better. Just kiddin Theo, you're the man!

May 30, 2007 4:39 PM  
Blogger Pilgrimsarbour said...

Brother TJ,

I too still do not understand what James inferred from the picture, unless he regarded it as an obscene attempt by Catholics (that is, you) at taunting Protestants for the recent high-profile "defections" across the Tiber.


Brother Theo,

You may be able to make a case for a bit of negligence on your part, given what you knew about the album cover, but I don't think all negligence is sin. I don't see any need on your part to ask forgiveness from me or anyone else, for that matter. If you're guilty of anything, in my view, it's cutting people too much slack! (LOL!) That includes me. But for the sake of your tender heart, I sincerely forgive you. (No medical puns were intended by that sentiment.)

God's Best to All,

Pilgrimsarbour

June 01, 2007 6:26 PM  
Anonymous Theo said...

Dear Pilgrim,

Thanks for your gracious reply. My "tender" heart is touched. Some folk say that about my brain as well, but that's another matter.

True, not all negligence is sin. Negligence committed out of ignorance is not sin. After all, one does not sin by accident! I held myself to task on the matter because I was neither ignorant of the photo’s offensiveness, nor of the possible negative reaction it might garner from readers predisposed to find offense. It is not for the photo itself that I asked forgiveness, but for my indifference to the set-up (though unintentional) it provided to tempt someone such as James to judgment. That is *also* why I made it plain that I see no offense in James' reaction, even if I do not *specifically* see how the offense might be taken.

Your brother in Christ,
--Theo

June 04, 2007 10:25 AM  
Blogger kkollwitz said...

What a scream! I have to read this to My Wife the Academic and Tiber Swimmer!

September 22, 2009 6:44 PM  

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