Crossed The Tiber

An Evangelical Converts to Catholicism

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Location: Pennsylvania, United States

I was born into the Catholic faith. At 14, I was "born again" and found Jesus personally but lost His Church. After thirty years as an evangelical protestant, I have come full circle to find that He has been there all the time, in the One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church. I wish others to find the beauty and truth of the Catholic faith as I have found.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Katholic Koffee

What can be better than monks making coffee? (Maybe monks making guitars.) Are you looking for the perfect Christmas gift? If you are weary of supporting Starbucks that contributes to Planned Parenthood and hawks CD's bashing the Catholic Church (Joni Mitchell's latest) go here to buy your coffee and gifts for Christmas. You'll be supporting orthodox Jesus loving brothers who roast coffee that is out of this world!

As an aside, when I was in college I studied a bit about monasticism for a Christian ethics course.
I had to do a project about monasticism. I hated writing papers (as all science majors do) so I wrote a song for my project about being a monk. At the time I was not Catholic so some of the lyrics were a bit pejorative. I might rewrite some of them for the new album I'm working on. Who knows, maybe if I found out about the mystic monks earlier in life....Naaah.


Anonymous theo said...

(to the tune of "I Went Down to the River)"

I walked down to the Abbey today,
Hopin' to change my slow-poke way,
And turn around my stubborn frown,
Oh Lord, there's holy grounds!

(Oh brothers!) Oh brothers let's go down,
Let's go down and get some holy grounds,
Oh brothers let's go down,
Down to the Abbey today,

I walked down to the Abbey today,
And met a monk along the way,
He perked me up all fresh and clean,
With a brew from the supreme bean.

(Oh sisters!) Oh sisters let's go down,
Let's go down and get some holy grounds,
Oh sisters let's go down,
For the latte special today,

Because I can be a goober too!
Your bro,

December 05, 2007 6:40 PM  
Blogger Tiber Jumper said...

nice job@!

I thought you would comment about the different flavors of coffee. HINT HINT!!!!

December 05, 2007 9:59 PM  
Anonymous theo said...

Different flavors? Did we talk about that? I must be getting old: I don't remember my own jokes, so I'll have to make up some new ones.

Let's see; What would they serve at "Java Jyra" (my coffee provider)?

- Mild Roast Perc-atory.
This bitter-sweet brew is a real eye-opener.

- Sankta
Our wholly decaffeinated coffee made from holy decaffeinated coffee beans!

- Latte Day Saint's Blend
Strictly speaking, this isn't true coffee, but our Mormon customers enjoy it.

- G. Hovah Java
The perfect unity and harmony of three distinct flavor personalities all in one bean. Mysteriously good!"

- Traditional He-brew
Once the only chosen flavor of the very greatest coffee lovers, this strong libation is the foundation of good old-fashioned coffee.

- Kalvin Koffee
One of the relatively new "designer" coffee blends, Kalvin's unique tulip flavor gives it a distinctive, robust aroma.

- Heretic Roast
Actually, Heretic Roast is discontinued, having been bought out by the Sinabun franchise. Once a popular drink served very hot, it is now out of favor with most coffee lovers, although it is still served liberally in some cyber cafes. Heretic Roast is seldom served by itself; rather, it's usually accompanied by a large order of self-righteousness.

- Classic Catholic Coffee
Believed by most to be the one true brew: a cup of blessing that we gladly share.

OK, what did I miss?

Your bro,

December 06, 2007 9:25 AM  
Anonymous PD said...

I'm sure glad the coffee monks weren't around back in your Moravian days. Who knows where I'd be...maybe The Sisters of Life ;)

December 06, 2007 2:48 PM  
Blogger Tiber Jumper said...

I almost spit my coffee out at the monitor I laughed so hard when I read these.
Theo, your sense of humor is truly one of a kind. better than your memory! How could we forget the most delicious flavored coffee roasted and brewed by these noble cloistered folks? Drum roll please......................................

Carmel lite!

December 06, 2007 4:11 PM  
Blogger Tiber Jumper said...

Yes PD, I suspect so!!!
Love you!

December 06, 2007 4:12 PM  
Anonymous theo said...

Carmel Lite! Of course! How could I forget the "Coffee Monks'" signature blend?

- Carmel Lite
Some might find the flavor too intense; and indeed, it can be hard for some to swallow--but its en-chanting appeal brings joy to a hard day's work and has given many a hungry monk the boost he needs to pick up his crossaunt and follow the Master.

I also wonder: If the "Coffee Monks" also served fish and chips, would it be right to call them "Fish Friars" and "Chip Monks?"

Your bro,

December 06, 2007 5:17 PM  
Blogger Tiber Jumper said...

Alright Theo,now you've gone and done it. Once again, I'm pulling your comments out of the box into a full brewed post! they are too funny to rest un revealed in the hidden comments section. BTW, did you ever think of writing for a living?

December 06, 2007 5:55 PM  

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