If Theo Owned a Coffee Shop...Java Jyra, My Coffee Provider

Theo recently commented on Mystic Monk Coffee. His comments were too funny to stay canned up in my combox.

Here's the menu at "Java Jyra"

- Mild Roast Perc-atory.
This bitter-sweet brew is a real eye-opener.

- Sankta
Our wholly decaffeinated coffee made from holy decaffeinated coffee beans!

- Latte Day Saint's Blend
Strictly speaking, this isn't true coffee, but our Mormon customers enjoy it.

- G. Hovah Java
The perfect unity and harmony of three distinct flavor personalities all in one bean. Mysteriously good!"

- Traditional He-brew
Once the only chosen flavor of the very greatest coffee lovers, this strong libation is the foundation of good old-fashioned coffee.

- Kalvin Koffee
One of the relatively new "designer" coffee blends, Kalvin's unique tulip flavor gives it a distinctive, robust aroma.

- Heretic Roast
Actually, Heretic Roast is discontinued, having been bought out by the Sinabun franchise. Once a popular drink served very hot, it is now out of favor with most coffee lovers, although it is still served liberally in some cyber cafes. Heretic Roast is seldom served by itself; rather, it's usually accompanied by a large order of self-righteousness.

- Carmel Lite -The signature blend of the Mystic Monks!
Some might find the flavor too intense; and indeed, it can be hard for some to swallow--but its en-chanting appeal brings joy to a hard day's work and has given many a hungry monk the boost he needs to pick up his crossant and follow the Master.

- Classic Catholic Coffee
Believed by most to be the one true brew: a cup of blessing that we gladly share.