Crossed The Tiber

An Evangelical Converts to Catholicism

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Location: Pennsylvania, United States

I was born into the Catholic faith. At 14, I was "born again" and found Jesus personally but lost His Church. After thirty years as an evangelical protestant, I have come full circle to find that He has been there all the time, in the One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church. I wish others to find the beauty and truth of the Catholic faith as I have found.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

If Theo Owned a Coffee Shop...Java Jyra, My Coffee Provider

Theo recently commented on Mystic Monk Coffee. His comments were too funny to stay canned up in my combox.

Here's the menu at "Java Jyra"

- Mild Roast Perc-atory.
This bitter-sweet brew is a real eye-opener.

- Sankta
Our wholly decaffeinated coffee made from holy decaffeinated coffee beans!

- Latte Day Saint's Blend
Strictly speaking, this isn't true coffee, but our Mormon customers enjoy it.

- G. Hovah Java
The perfect unity and harmony of three distinct flavor personalities all in one bean. Mysteriously good!"

- Traditional He-brew
Once the only chosen flavor of the very greatest coffee lovers, this strong libation is the foundation of good old-fashioned coffee.

- Kalvin Koffee
One of the relatively new "designer" coffee blends, Kalvin's unique tulip flavor gives it a distinctive, robust aroma.

- Heretic Roast
Actually, Heretic Roast is discontinued, having been bought out by the Sinabun franchise. Once a popular drink served very hot, it is now out of favor with most coffee lovers, although it is still served liberally in some cyber cafes. Heretic Roast is seldom served by itself; rather, it's usually accompanied by a large order of self-righteousness.

- Carmel Lite -The signature blend of the Mystic Monks!
Some might find the flavor too intense; and indeed, it can be hard for some to swallow--but its en-chanting appeal brings joy to a hard day's work and has given many a hungry monk the boost he needs to pick up his crossant and follow the Master.

- Classic Catholic Coffee
Believed by most to be the one true brew: a cup of blessing that we gladly share.


Blogger Rosemary Bogdan said...

This is hilarious. Thanks for posting it.

December 06, 2007 6:17 PM  
Anonymous J J said...

I would love to see the labels for each type. Did Theo make any? If not, Are there any artists out there who might do it?

December 07, 2007 8:37 AM  
Blogger onionboy said...

Let me know when they begin serving tea and I'll get excited.

P.S. Best to you and Mrs. T.J. this coming Monday!

O ::thrive luminousmiseries ||

December 07, 2007 8:44 AM  
Blogger Joyful Catholics said...

This was a funny way to start the day. I love stuff like this! Theo's a flippin genius!

What about this one?
The Golden deCalf-inated. Mt Sinai grown. It's the "richest" kind and a real crowd pleaser.

My bro, Don, is an artist and would come up with some great lables..if I can get him to do it. I think there's some holy potential afoot!

December 10, 2007 7:28 AM  
Blogger Pilgrimsarbour said...

Put me down for the Kalvin Koffee. One might think I'd go for the traditional He-brew, but you can petal that Jeanny-come-lately stuff to me anytime! After all, two lips make it go down nicely!

December 11, 2007 2:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Tiber and Proddie! We saw you folks on EWTN last night. It was great to see you two, and we loved hearing your stories. We also noticed that all three of you had coffee cups on the set. What flavor did you have?

December 11, 2007 2:43 PM  
Blogger Hidden One said...

Wow. That was amazingly humourous. :)

December 11, 2007 8:00 PM  
Anonymous theo said...

"The Golden deCalf-inated. Mt Sinai grown. It's the "richest" kind and a real crowd pleaser."

Excellent, JC! LOL!
Somehow I recall that Golden deCalf is much less appealing in the actual drinking.

PA! You're a puntificator to be reckoned with. When it comes to flowery speech, two lips are better than one!

Your brewther in the supreme bean,

December 12, 2007 5:01 PM  
Blogger Pilgrimsarbour said...

Oh Dear Theo,

You honour me, Sir. However, I would have thought you and your Catholic brethren would prefer decalvinated coffee.

Just sayin'...

Yours in Christ,


December 13, 2007 12:09 AM  
Blogger Tiber Jumper said...

Anon said: "We also noticed that all three of you had coffee cups on the set. What flavor did you have?"

Mother Angelica's Roast-an old but staunch and proud blend which ignites
the cardinal virtues in the imbiber of its deep flavor.

December 13, 2007 8:28 AM  

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